oshiharu

life moves on. i've since lost the reasons why.

in the depth of living my first full winter, learning how cold cotton bedsheets can be. sleep is fitful; that hasn't changed.

finding the seeds of a new spring. slow stirrings. seeing people as is neutralises the disappointment of being human.

the waves of mental anxiety never really cease, they quiet, pause, but return, in force at times. the sense of suspended, slow movement through ice water has not been back for a while; for that i'm grateful.

trying to avoid going back onto old pathways is harder than imagined. this awareness is a pain on its own.

learning to identify triggers, and to self-arrest. and to accept help. to slow down.

the distinction between creating space and being emptied is clearer now to the heart - letting go is still a conscious act, but comes easier these days.

planning a new garden for spring - basil, oregano, chilli, pansies, columbines and poppies perhaps, wondering how to colonize the terrace outside.

resolution for this year - to learn to take my place with grace, sans apology, sans rudeness.