you, a distant, bright, brittle star.

*

i wish i had a camera then, to freeze this fragile memory - you in black, uncurling in the chair, in the yellowing autumn light. that heartbeat of vulnerability when you turned from the window and looked at me. i wanted to hold you then.

*

But there are distances we cannot close anymore. i wonder where the boy that was has went. or if he realised the gift he once left me, beyond the strawberry cheesecake kitkats and letters. i don't think i want you, as much as i wanted the connection we had then. and i wonder where the girl that was, has went.

*

goodbye slipped off the tongue easily. but it was strangely hard.